Casual Sex?

Seen the movie “Casual Sex?” with two broads and Andrew Dice Clay the other day. I do feel remorse for my gross inability to name the two main actors (females), but it was only because the hairy Dice Man had me absorbed. In chest hair. At the end of the movie, no longer high and tired, I nevertheless rewound and played a minute long clip of the transformation of the Vin Man. He being the character Dice plays.

“I don’t feel like hittin’ on women. I don’t even feel like drinkin’ milk outta carton. I feel… I don’t know. Serious. Like I’m in the midst of some heavy changes. I forced myself to take a closer look at the Vin Man. You know, open him up, pull him out, dissect him. Like a frog. And I decided to go after a more sharply tailored, finely pleated, subtly striped look. And I discovered I have a creative side to my personality. Dush! Dush dush dush! Anyway…”

Really there was always more than meets the eye to the Vin Man, to a matter of speaking. Anyone watching the movie or actually on vacation at the Oasis Spa outside of Los Angeles in 1988 surely thought to themselves, now there is one hairy Jew from Jersey. But the thing was, on the one hand, the Vin Man and Andrew’s character Dice both considered themselves to be Italian. A strange and very funny delusion. On the other hand, the hairy one, his eyes! He is both irresistable and titillating, like the wild squirrel loose on the plane back from Hawaii, but unlike that as well in his hairy waters run deep kind of way.

Definitely made the film for me, but not the reason I watched it for in the first. The initial allure and catalyst to my casual one night stand with this movie was the title. A question! It takes balls, I’d say, to release a film with its title in the form of a question. Balls or the type of backing that comes from Hollywood bigwigs who obsess over Jeopardy. The sleazy fat cats who keep score in their homes and tape all the Teen Tournaments. And of course the title has the words ‘casual’ and ‘sex’ right there. But moreover, the question allure.

What indeed is eating Gilbert Grape? As Diceman does on stage (though now he hates its singular popularity and regrets writing this joke) “Three blind mice. See how they run. Where the fuck are they going?”

This morning I am waking up at 8 AM and showering and eating before saddling up with my aunt Judy and riding down to the Grand Opening of the new Gamestop seven miles away to purchase the new Nintendo Wii. As a personally preset condition on this purchase I will no longer be going out to bars, except rarely, for my health and to lord over my electronics like a wireless hawk. I feel serious!

If it all works out my aunt is going to videotape me going up to the store rights as it opens and snatching up the rare, hard to find Wii and hopefully Wii Play with the extra Wii-mote as well. And I’ll have owed it to a random phone call I made today while conducting business on the internet to a Gamespot I had never heard of opening seven miles away from my familys house. It was after several other calls to various dealers of games that had all ended up in the “Sold Out” response.

When I called this number someone picked up, I asked my question, “Do you have any Wii?” and the tone on the other end of the line turned annoyed. “We are not even open yet! I am up on a ladder…” Don’t get down, son… I told the boy, but tell me when you open up you little ladder riding laddie! He said tomorrow 10 AM and that they will have Wiis so in the AM I am saddling up to ride over the 5-6 inches of frozen slushed streets to the Grand Opening.

The weatherman on NBC 30 said that “5-6 inches of ‘stuff’ fell yesterday.” The Nintendo thing, if done right, if it feels proper, will draw parallels in my life to the Circuit City parking lot tailgating party I went to from 11PM to 12:08AM the night Windows ’98 came out. Before open-source cool, we were all greasy nerds. Now this Wii thing is serious, and I’ll be reporting on it live throughout the weekend. Perhaps if everything goes correct 3rdarm.biz will have an Everybody Votes and Forecast Channel by next week. Crossing my fingers.