“So, you feel alone? You probably look forward to weekends with your buds — especially those times when you can horse around, wrestle & even be a little tender — like when you’ve had a few beers (or maybe just got done pinning the guy down wrestling) & you find your arm around him, resting a hand on his upper or lower back in a casual, reaffirming hug…”
We human beings certainly lead sexually diverse lives… and some people have something to say about that! The whole idea of telling someone else how or with whom to have sex goes way over my head. But then the closest thing to intimacy I’ve experienced in the past few months has been reading a doctor-penned gay sex manual purchased by my sister. The fistulas detailed in that book reminded me somehow of when Jack Mackenroth had to leave Project Runway to do battle against multiple-resistant bacteria that had attacked his upper lip. The connection is somewhat more ambiguous to me now.
Out in the wild of the internets, on my own, by myself, in the dark, I rubbed up against this idea that frottage should become the prevalent form of male to male intercourse. It was late at night, I was examining information, when I came to a website with “man2man” in the domain. At said place on the internet a doctor was presenting the ideas from his book about frottage. Mainly it was broken into a two-pronged argument in favor of frotting (which itself in this case would also be two pronged.) The first part was that anal sex is no good because the back door is one way, and the tissue is not suitable for penetration. Thats the old, “Rectum? Damn near killed ’em,” line from back in the day…
Thats what kind of drew me into reading the endless nonsense present on this webpage. I only describe it as endless nonsense because instead of being written in paragraphed flowing prose it was constructed in single sentences that were almost all linked to their own footnotes, making the examination of said data exhausting to the eyeball. And, obviously, because it was a long-winded argument. The vagina section alone probably took me an hour to read. I read and read about the vaginal walls and their elasticity and evolution and a tit-for-tat vagina to anus comparison.
After reading so extensively about love mounds, that night I had a dream I was having vaginal intercourse with my first girlfriend. It was a horrible dream, and not because of its accuracy to the real-life event, but because it was a deeply sensory dream… Maybe that was also distorted in the dream process, because it smelled exactly like B.O., very strong B.O., and that’s not an authentic vaginal odor. Perhaps my synapses were crossing memories of the hour spent reading about vaginas with the description of an alternative frottage position involving male genitalia “penetrating” the partners armpit. Its called “bag-piping.”
Beyond the vagina (isn’t that what all life is?) was the second prong of the pro-frottage thesis, that anal penetration twists the male psyche into a submissive, emasculated state. The argument that butt sex accounts for feminine behavior in men sounded like something my dad would say. Personally, I have befriended my share of Marys and queens (though not any Queen Marys) and it seems to me, from my scientific perspective, like they were probably born like that. Now I’m not saying that some men do not affect femininity, because modest affectations can be observed anytime an individual joins a social group. Just that I don’t blame butt sex for feminine guys. All in all, to me, the psychological prong did not hold much weight compared to the anatomically correct observation that, “An Anus is Not a Vagina.”
Its either that the idea didn’t hold as much water, or that I became tired of reading a litany of single sentences by the second half of the thesis. Most likely a combination of both, but in any event, the brute force of the argument flew right past me; not that I dodged it, it just didn’t hit me. To hark back to how I feel about some people telling other people with whom and how to have sex, militant cries for frottage to transform the gay community are discordant with the toll of the iron bell of sexual freedom. Yes, with anal sex there is a high rate of disease transmission, including the dreaded HIV. With anal sex there is also blood, sweat, tears, cowboy hats, fecal matter, the need for water soluble lubrication (Jake Gyllenhaal spitting on Heath Ledger’s brown eye); its not for everybody, and that’s a fact.
Let me also put on record my support for state’s that have repealed anti-sodomy laws. Whatever the dangers of anal sex (with either gender), telling someone what they can or can’t do in the privacy of their own bedroom just doesn’t jibe with me (legalize it!). Further investigation into the field of frottage revealed that not all is coming up roses and daffodils on that side of the fence, either. If adopting the “g0y lifestyle” (g0y is a term meaning straight-acting frot boy) means shunning the gay community then it sounds like g0y actually just means closeted. When wrestling with a straight guy, a meandering hand on his lower back or lustful, heavy breathing or getting an erection can actually result in a punch to the face. A manly, frotting fag would be like the sad, lost cowboys of Brokeback Mountain, except crotch-grinds sub for anal penetration at the semi-annual fishing trip.
Interesting as the frottage debate is, there is a dark side to it as well, called frotteurism. Some people have a fetish for sexual rubbing against strangers in public. “The professional handbook of the American Psychiatric Association (APA), the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fourth edition (DSM IV), lists the following diagnostic criteria for frotteurism. *Recurrent, intense, or arousing sexual urges or fantasies, that involve touching and rubbing against a nonconsenting person. *The person has acted on these sexual urges or fantasies, or they cause the person significant distress, to a degree they are disruptive to everyday functioning.” In Japan, this is called chikan, is featured in pornography, and most often applies to men rubbing themselves sexually against women on the crowded subway cars. Chikan is such a problem that during rush hour many Japanese subway trains have women-only cars…