Seal of Disapproval

Had I been in a calmer, gentler place mentally, perhaps I could have found a kinder way to respond to the girl I was training to be a hostess when she TOUCHED ME and said, “I feel like I already know you.” Instead, I yanked my flipper away and said nothing to her at all for the rest of the day. I simply continued to do my job; a water-guzzling, noisy and busy circus seal who performs tricks for the public, like balancing a ball on my nose while perched upon a painted crate. I had the manager send her home. She TOUCHED ME (keep your meat hooks off). “You could have been less of a dick about it,” my boss suggested.

She could be an alright hostess elsewhere, and I understand physical contact comes with the territory in many a restaurant. But in this economy its not hard to find a living breathing human being to smile and take coats, and we can do better. There were other troubling signs. Earlier in the day, after we’d eaten together, the staff went once-around with introductions. Each in succession we told her our names, our jobs, and our favorite liquors. She fell right into the trap; a good first impression is not, “Hi my name is so and so, and I love tequila and Jameson.” Liquor? I barely even know her. She feels like she already knows me? No respect.

I am the mysterious Saturday seal who barks on command. My dehydrated eyes have watched thousands of humans like insects stream into the nest, take food and eat it, and then exit out again. I will not be known in a single day, nor in a single week, nor month, nor year. To imply that such knowledge can be attained so quickly is to denigrate not just me, but by association, my trainers, my feeders, the other attractions such as the sharks in the shark tank, the dolphins in the dolphin area, the beluga whale, the rays, and even the hijiki and wakami seaweeds. I could tell within the first five minutes of meeting this girl that she would be an ill fit. She wrinkled her nose and asked if it always smells like fish in here. Of course, I barked at her; it is an aquarium after all. (Thank you Lady C for excellent photography.)