I hope that in writing this i am not bringing to the table too much reflection on the hourlong Real World Austin post-series discussion titled “Tex, Hugs and Rock & Roll” that aired on Mtv tonight. That would be too bad, because when I was outside on the deck I had a real thought. Or perhaps under the circumstances a better word is sincere. I had a sincere thought.
You see, when the band Sound Team’s van dropped my friend off at a certain I-95 exit in a commuter parking lot and I got out of my whip to greet him, I noticed that the Puerto Rican sticker that I’d put on my car back a while ago… the sticker that had the word Faith imposed over praying hands working a purple rosary with the Puerto Rican flag in the background… that sticker was dangling off my car, stuck on finally by the skin of its teeth alone.
In arranging for Austin to get dropped off in this particular commuter parking lot adjacent to the ramp of a certain I-95 exit, he and I had played through the back and forth in many a game of phone tag. In one conversation he had asked if the white supreme Saturn still had the Puerto Rican Faith sticker whose adherence to the fiberglass whip-side I’d reported months ago on 3rdarm.biz. I confirmed that it was still stuck on, but by that time it was probably a cliffhanger.
Through the process of human movement logistics as organized over cellular phones by two close friends far from one another, I found myself frustrated, at one point convincing myself that Austin and I weren’t going to be able to hook up while he was on the East Coast. Funny that he mentioned the Faith, which I eventually found. Funnier still that the Faith in the form of my cars Puerto Rican Pride sticker wasn’t necessary by the moment that we had our reunion in realtime.
The sincere thought I have had tonight is the really magical thought that Faith is Real.
I mean, why do we have these stickers with the word Faith and praying hands holding a purple rosary, or any of the symbols that remind people to be positive about the future, if not in the hope that potential energy we acknowledge in Faith will be Real in future days. Sometimes faith is real. Too many religious people on this continent bet the chips of their faith on a hand that they believe no one can show until they die. That is a waste, because in the moments those peoples faith becomes real they will have no eyes.
After saying hellos Austin walked over to check out my white supreme Saturn and noticed that the sticker was literally hanging off the car on its last thread. We laughed about how I was about to lose my faith. Indeed, the next time I looked at the side of my car the sticker had fallen off entirely. But you can see where the back of it is still glued on. In the sunlight it looks like the outline of a white fire!
Prediction from the Prophesy Department @ 3rdarm.biz: Danny & Melinda, formerly of Real World: Austin and recently engaged to be married, will take over the MTV show Newlyweds from newly divorced Jessifer Simpson and Nicolas Lachey. In the future. In the year 2 G.
Because I am going to start serving, as in being a real Dinner and not just #1 Lunch Server in North America, at the East Coast Grill starting this week, my clothes needed to be upgraded to fulfill their dress requirements. At the Grill servers wear bluejeans and black tops, conveying the casual and relaxed charm of being in laid-back Inman Square, or so it goes. Never have I been fond of bluejeans. Matter of fact the only pair of bluejeans that I owned in the entirety of my first twenty years of life on this continent were given to me second-hand from my grandma. They were her old gardening jeans. With elastic waist.
I was in middle school at the time of those jeans and let me tell you the vibe back then was let it all hang out. Kids went commando in sweatpants for entire years back in middle school, and others were just beginning to develop body odors and grow hairs in places and it was a musty jungle of humanity, is what it was. No one even realized that the fat kid was wearing his grandmas bluejeans. Nevermind the elastic waist. And I kept on wearing that pair of jeans well into highschool.
To get my wardrobe up to speed my aunt took me up to Marshall’s and we shopped for bluejeans this afternoon. My grandma stayed behind and watched the dog & cat, who cannot be left alone because they are super-smart animals and will overthrow our family’s regime in a bloodless kibbled up coup if given half a chance. I took several pairs to the fitting room with me and felt the liberating rush of dropping my pants in a tiny booth, sort of like I was Sweaty Palmer in one of those movie shops in Times Square, back before Disney brought in the virgins who built the megastore, or the dwarves whatever.
So I tried on some Ralph Lauren and Guess and Hilfiger and the like, and picked out two pair that had an acceptable stitching (straight down the leg) no tapering, nice belt loops and fly (I have an abnormal waistline and so I need the pants to compensate for that. Also I have to tuck in my shirt and when I do that I always hike up the pants. So the waistline is important, aight?) and that was that. Or was it! There was one last pair of bluejeans that I’d brought into the tiny booth with me, the fitting room that is. From the Clearance section of Marshall’s, on sale for five dollars. They were spectacular!
Five dollars, new! Additionally these bluejeans are an homage to the original pair that my grandma gave me … because… they are drawstring!!! No clunky belts, just tighten it up like a pair of sweatpants (but not Commando Sweatpants…) and its good to go! So comfortable that I am wearing them now (with boxers underneath) they are a soft denim indeed. Wish I could get Elaine, you know Jerry’s friend who works on the Peterman catalogue? in here to appraise them for me and write a 3rdarm.biz-worthy description.
In absence of that, I sum it up with this.
Last night I followed my friend Austin, who has managed to become a roadie aka wardrobe mister aka Sound Technician & Doctor for the band Sound Team. With my small digital camera I followed him to the Middle East club and photographed him selling the merchandize. After the show we headed back to the nuclear bunker and recorded almost 64 minutes of insane slowjams, which are now playing on the 3rdarm.bizamp (the Blip Blop link above will open the Bizamp in your winamp.) Voila & enjoy the pics & sounds.
Exercise of this kind can aid in digestion:
“………..I have a 3rd nipple…………..I have a 3rd nipple………….My friends call me Monkey Feet!!!…………..I have a 3rd nipple………..”
“I’m a cheerleader and I have a fear of deep water”
I have a 3rd nipple.
“I’m 19, I’m a hostess, and I Know How to Get a Big Tip!!!!!”
Too close to home.
Personal favorite: “You could have been the meat in this sandwich!!!!!”
Said in unison by four eighteen and nineteen year old girls wearing skirts that barely covered both ends of their ass cracks and bikini tops, while all lifting one cheek of their butts up and toward the camera.
One more: “I caught the Prom Queen! Do you realize what a huge karmic payback that is? I gotta pay it forward. I’m gonna pay you!!!!” Okay this quote isn’t from ‘Next’, its from Jay & Silent Bob do Degrassi High.
Just wanted to post a quick note while it is still relevant, that is, before I head down the I84 canal to my home in Connecticut to be with my human & animal clan to eat until napping… My roommates Eliot Christina & Arielle (Ar, Ari?) are the best people in the world to live with and are so kind, so giving & forgiving. I am sorry that I ate all your ice cream and jello pudding devil food snacks. I am a beast & you are all the best and I thank you so much for letting me co-exist so close to you all. It is the best environment I have ever been living in, and has brought so much good into my life.
I want to thank my aunt and my grandmother and sister for constantly having my back in the toughest of situations and you know I would do anything for you. I am sorry that I have been working so much that I can’t come see you all every day like I want to, but I am running at the future and I know you understand. Thank you and I love you.
Thank you to my friends from Chicago… Austin (hope I see you this week) Luis & Jacob, Genevieve and Emerson. You know we have gone through hard times but I still see you in my future and want to keep building with you all.
Thank you to the people that brought me up in South Windsor, the Yakaitis clan, Ro with the tiny image of Ro in his eye, Mike & Matt living in the city now… Look forward to seeing you all soon.
Thank you to everyone at the East Coast Grill & Turner Fisheries who have helped me serve. We are two mighty teams because we all work so hard every day of our lives and our contribution to the economy of Cambridge/Boston is positive energy for the country of America. You are all my best friends.
Thank anyone reading this right now for keeping the faith that I will keep the words coming out of my mind & instead of releasing them out my open mouth focus them into black letters on the internet. Keep that faith because it keeps coming and I thank the universe for that.
When the general manager at the place where I won my #1 lunch server in North America title belt recommends a film, and he is Dutch, that is a movie I’m willing to watch. Or so I thought. Sunday after eating a beef brisket ruben with Russian dressing I went to the Indian Grocery Store where I have my video membership. The Indian Grocery store has a good collection and they also sell Arnold Palmer tall boys with Arnold Palmers face on them for 99 cents and the Indians do not charge tax and all this is good and their video policy is good. It is only one dollar a night if you buy ten dollars worth of groceries during the day.
After the ruben (& I add here that one bite of that ruben, just one bite yes but a significant bite in the close mouthfuls of the sandwich, was way too salty) I scooted past the blanket-swaddled Indian grandma and scooped up my Arnold Palmer tall boy and headed over to the video aisles to check out the supreme collection. In the action or perhaps drama shelves I saw a movie right out in my face called “Crash” and I remembered working two Saturday nights ago and my Dutch GM had told me to watch that film because it would help ease my anxiety & paranoia, or something to that affect. I picked up the box and scanned it and it saw the word “erotic” yes I saw that word, but thought nothing of it. I rented the movie and the Indian gentleman gave me two Swedish fish (individually wrapped) and a baby bag of Skittles complimentary with my purchases. Did I mention I picked up toilet paper?
Now Monday night I still did not return the video because I planned on watching it with my roommate Ari. My system in my head on my braindrive crashed after some record shopping Monday afternoon and I awoke after a three hour nap to rain and MTV. Ari and I then set up a chill-space in the living room to watch this heralded movie, “Crash” which she had also had had recommended to her. We put the thing on and there were three anal lovemaking scenes in the first minute, as confirmed by the review from allmovie.com:
“The film starts out with three bizarre sex scenes in a row, and many more follow. Although they aren’t strictly exploitive and are necessary to the plot, squeamish viewers may find the film rough going. Crash paints a disturbing and coldly revolting portrait of turn-of-the-century Americans, advanced in technology but retarded emotionally. For these numb, disconnected people, humanity has lost its appeal, and their only remaining thrills can come from twisting their useless bodies into a bloody wreck on the freeway of the millennium.”
After the three scenes of intense anal lovemaking and after Ari and I’s out-of-control giggling died down I turned off the VCR and apologized for not being more careful at the Grocery Store. The Indians love NC-17 and they see me buy cigarettes and give me candy and no questions are asked. Now after doing some search on the internet I find that it was the wrong movie but the right name. The funniest thing about the “Crash” that we started to watch was that it starred James Spader, who I know from watching “Judging Amy” with my aunt and my grandma. Judging Amy is set in Hartford, Conn. James Spader was born and raised in Boston, Mass…
Ok now I don’t think James Spader ever acted on the show “Judging Amy.” Can someone please contact me with the right information on this before I go out and rent another NC-17 movietape?
Saturday night we had a very productive Future Problem Solving session between Eliot and I. This was late talk, definitely into the sectors and zones of official Sundaydom. The thoughts were provoked by a viewing of the film, “Jarhead” in the earlier part of the evening. I mean, on the one hand. On the other, you have Eliot & Ari and myself living together discussing current events and sincerely concerned as young citizens about the future of our country & war, peace-loving if not necessarily law-abiding, and thinking abstractly but really living in America, and so we went to see this film together.
We all grew up in the same town and attended a cognitive program called Future Problem Solving which called for brainstorms the likes of which wash away mental levees. The program lumped us into teams and then delivered a premise for the future. As a team we would come up with twenty possible problems that this premise could create and then decide which problem had the most weight, the girth, the heft. That would be our Big Problem. To this B.P. we would brainstorm twenty solutions and then out of that litter, pick the Best Solution. This is an international competition for nerds is what it is.
Anyway late last night my mind in my head’s jar was jumping about, twitching to enact this Future Problem Solving process on reality as it now seems to stand, seen from the roving robotic camera lens mounted on the medias unmanned aerial drones, you know, the million filters that exist to transmit pictures of a soldiers purple heart bleeding dry in the desert to my bunker in urban massachusetts. Eliot and I were far-gone, what with my Civil War jabber and both of us exhausted by those haunting Northern lights and Southern comforts, but the process took over and we solved the Iraq problem. Wrapped it up neat in giftwrap with a bow, just in time for the holidays.
The United States should pull its troops to the North and therefore out of the most violent areas. The Kurdish people in the North, with the U.S. firepower behind them, should declare independence. America could then actually help set up a secular democracy in the Middle East and avoid the neverending cycles of violence in the South. If there is going to be an Iraqi Civil War then there will be an Iraqi Civil War. What ever to be will be. There is no military in the world no has there ever been or will there be that can halt a civil war, not even ours. Remember the foreign armies that tried to intervene in our own Civil War in America. Did no good, had to happen.
In Kurdistan the United States could build permanent bases, therefore accomplishing the final military goals of the Iraq War. We can say that we are there setting up the first true democracy in the Middle East, and it would also help reconcile Turkey to the West, having us there as mediators between the outragaeous Turks and their hated foes, the Kurds. Might even give Turkey more kudos on the E.U. membership committee, if they helped out.
This would go way beyond accomplishing the Neocon’s wildest dreams, but… The one loss would be the areas of Iraq heaviest in oil. Well, good. Wake up call, government of America; that’s theirs anyway. Let ’em have it. The sooner we all wake up our economy to the changing winds of global energy the better prepared America is for the future.
I felt pretty good about solving the Iraq War last night, even if it was just in my jarhead. Because it means that when senior administration officials click on to read 3rdarm.biz they will be finding the Best Solution to the very real Big Problems that we have over there in the Middle East. And peace, I’m out to play some good old-fashioned Quake 2 Capture the Flag mod. Hoorah!
Wait, one more thing. We also came up with a solution to the marketing problems the theory of evolution is having against “intelligent design.” Start calling Darwin’s baby Creative Choice.
Sparrow executed for disturbing dominoes
Associated Press in Amsterdam- A sparrow that knocked over 23,000 dominoes set up for a world record attempt was shot dead. The Dutch animal protection agency began investigating the claim yesterday.
Death threat for killer of Domino-toppling sparrow
AMSTERDAM â€” Animal rights group Dierenbescherming and the provincial authority have both appointed officials to investigate the shooting dead of the bird with an air gun. Dierenbescherming said sparrows are a protected species and a licence is required before killing one.
Meanwhile, the man who fired the fatal shot has been threatened with death.
Dutch Agency Cries Fowl Play in Shooting by TOBY STERLING, 52 minutes ago
AMSTERDAM, Netherlands – The Dutch animal protection agency demanded prosecution Tuesday for the shooting of a sparrow that knocked over 23,000 dominoes during an attempt to set a world record.
The common house sparrow â€” of a species on the national endangered list_ was chased into a corner and shot by an exterminator with an air rifle.
“I might add: Is it really necessary to kill a bird that knocked over a few dominoes for a game?” he asked.
This news is still breaking. MORE.