Each night I head out from the safety of Dutch Harbor, Alaska, to the violent and unpredictable waters of the vast Bering Sea. I do this from my couch, usually while eating Nerds and with my feet covered in Gold Bond medicated powder, sipping a can of Schweppe’s Diet Gingerale. If a rope gets looped around my ankle, the crab pot will pull me off my perch and to the bottom of the ocean. Certain death, unless I am wearing a survival suit. But I don’t own a survival suit. So I’m thinking of getting a sleeping bag suit, called a Selk Bag, to wear on my Deadliest Couch. That way, if I roll off, I can sleep on the floor.
This weather is probably too hot for a Selk Bag, so I have a few months to save up my money. This sleeveless black teeshirt emblazoned with a skull and crossbones will do. For the summer, I am a Bering Sea pirate.