2009 is a Short Warm Moment

My memory is bad. At Eliot and Christina’s wedding, a friend from NYC and I were talking about documentaries, Werner Herzog in particular. The film about Herzog’s relationship with Klaus Kinski, My Best Fiend, came up. At that moment in the conversation, it didn’t register that I had seen My Best Fiend. My memory stumbled. The truth is, without a paper trail or digital record, most of the information that comes in contact with my brain seeps in and back out like a fog, smoke or a cloud. At the Pinkham Notch lodge at the base of Mt. Washington, my sister and I ate a family style dinner with the other guests. A father and son from Cambridge asked about my hiking experience. Despite the many trails and state parks I have visited in 2009, I was barely able to recall one or two… When they got up from the table, the father spoke to my anxiety about facing the mountain the next day with a very dry sense of humor. “You are going to die,” he said.

The man working at Hollywood Express was unable to provide me with a list of all the films I rented this year. Their database only reaches back thirty days. I retained many of the ticket stubs from the films, musical performances and sporting events I attended, but not as many as I’d thought. The first film I saw in the theaters in 2009 was Man On Wire. I have my DC metro card from the Inauguration. I stood in the cold on the mall surrounded by people like me, about to lose it, as President Obama took the oath of office. Eliot and Christina and I saw Somalian – Canadian artist K’Naan on the last day of February. The performance, at a sweaty college bar in Allston, along with a YouTube video of K’Naan speaking out against drugs, pushed me to reach full sobriety. Brenda and Christa and I went to the musical Grey Gardens at the Lyric Stage in May; they cried but I did not. I remember being on the field at Fenway during batting practice, in the late spring. It was mentoring night, and I was there with my friend Ace. I don’t remember being at the Celtics playoff game as well. I know they won the game, against the Magic, but lost the series.

In the summer of 2009 my confidence rose and I started to go out by myself a lot. I rode my bike to many late night films at Fresh Pond and Kendall Square Cinema, or walked in to the Harvard Square Loews. I remember watching Up on a Sunday in a showing full of families. Outside it rained during the film but stopped as it ended and when I left the movie house the sky had the beautiful glow of the sunset and departing clouds. The streets, and my eyes, were still wet. My grandmother Happy passed away, and I think about her all the time. I ran my first half and full marathons in 2009, restarted my relationship with my father, and I got a cat. I remember art as much or more than life, maybe because I saved all those tickets.