The neighborhood pigeons are acting up again. Couple days back I was sitting on the deck, drinking a scalding cup of joe at around 7AM when a super-aggro alpha pigeon started making low, growly purrs at me from up above; up on the gutters mere feet from my damn head. The bird was up on MY gutters, right by my roommates window. Sloshing my hot coffee onto the New York Times clumsily and angrily, I pushed back my chair and stood up and shook a fist towards the fat, ugly winged rat’s head and shouted, “Do you know what the hell species you are clucking at fool?! I am a mighty human being, and if you fly down and attack my head this morning I will afford you no rights whatsoever and visciously kill you easily and with no regret whatsoever! After killing you I will calmly take the newspaper upstairs and crap on my porcelain human throne! Ha! Be gone!” The pigeon, beady eyes shiny in the early rays, moved its head back and forth, and continued its growling & grunting, oblivious to my tirade. Goddamn aggro-alpha pigeons. All the time fucking underage pigeons (who should be in school) and taking over roof tops and famous statues, shitting all over them. What the fuck.