Super Sweet 16 !!!

Okay this is me when I was sixteen & innocent. These pictures are from right around the era when I french kissed for the first time. A few months before I bought my van, which is a story for another day. This was in the interim period when my mom was between dogs. It was just me, and my chronically obnoxius bracy (sic) or just abrasive smile.

My mouth looks like Bat Boy, and all the metal hardware crammed in there, sheesh. Look at the wires & rubber bands. Surprising & deeply puzzling why I was french kissing so much in this era. I am pretty sure it was the very same month that these shots were taken that I did my first tongue kiss, because I remember the girl who do it to me (I swear, on public record, to this day I’ve never been the french kiss initiator).

Her name was pronounced exactly like the scary Supreme nominee from the 1980s. B-O-R-K. Bork. The January back in 1999 when I turned 16, she had me talking on the phone hours a night. Often it would take 14 hours or more of weeknight calling to convince me to invoke my new drivers license for a night at Showcase Cinema. Most of those phone calls involved descriptive french kissing instruction, because she made clear she was going to french kiss me hard.

And did she. I can’t even remember what movie we were at anymore, but looking back it must have been “Patch Adams.” She took me aside before we went in and french kissed me right in front of small children. I turned 16 years of age on the spot, smiled & the small children saw my grill and screamed. I called her up a couple of days later and apologized for being weird about the french kissing, then I dumped her, explaining that I was totally spent after that intense french kiss. Bork went away.

innocent 16 year old fingers the sticky tape smilingfresh 16  year old looks terrific in camo hat

But while we are looking at these pictures, bizzers, lets keep in mind that some things DONT go away. Case in point here is the yellow tint of my teeth. Look beyond the super bracers and you can see the jaundicity in these pictures, even years before I started smoking a pack of nonfiltered Pall Malls a day. THIS WILL NEVER GO AWAY, even if I use white strips until my teeth have no enamol. The dentist once explained to me (perhaps as a five year old with yellow grandpa teeth) that it was because my teeth have DEEP GROOVES, which were hereditary & not a result of hygenic sin.

My teeth have DEEP GROOVES, ya’ll heard?

So I decided to put up these pictures from my Sweet 16 to entertain everyone that visits & show how sweet I used to be & to provide some solid scientific data that backs up my assertion that my teeth are naturally yellow. And also I put them up to kick off the unveiling of this treasure chest of data that I found on these diskettes. And as an homage to the MTV show, Super Sweet 16. And to segue into a new post about the scientific methods of my sister & I on our contribution to the internet’s pro/con candling chronicles.

1 thought on “Super Sweet 16 !!!”

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