I was “researching” Toostie Pop half lives on the world wide web the other day, when I spied this little gem in the rough: “Does Tootsie Roll Industries acknowledge all the letters which children send to them?
Not only do we respond to every letter children send to us, we also send out a certificate we call “The Clean Stick Award,” to each person who mails in a response to the question of how many licks it takes. Children from around the world have tried to solve this mystery, and we enjoy hearing about everyone’s experiences.”
Okay, I don’t really like kids (little munchins), especially because they are so smug with their special priveleges and freedoms. They get on planes first, stay in hotels free, their food is cheaper or free, they have absolute 1st Amendment rights, can poop anywhere, and usually smell like it to boot. And now Toostie, in a move modeled off of Marlboro’s marketing, is doing some bullshit Clean Stick certification program. Well, Tootsie, I have a clean stick, and can crunch Tootsie Pops and squirrels heads with my jaws without even one lick. To prove my point, I’m going to apply for one of their “certificates.” My number of licks will be 666. Or 69. Or 0 and I want them to say on the certificate that the mystery is solved, that you don’t EVER have to lick a Tootsie Pop.
I will post the certificate on 3rdarm.biz as soon as it becomes available.
ALSO, please check out my 3rdarm.biz SHOUTCAST radio, where I will do my best to always leave the computer on so you can listen to what’s playing with a winamp. Mostly hip hop and r and b right now, but I might change formats. OK Public is the best host…