The rain yesterday was pretty intense, and I went to Ikea. My kitchen has been transformed into an Ikea display kitchen with beautiful new wood chopping block, birch kitchen table. Coupling this with the thirteen hundred dollar leather sofa in the living room decked out with HDTV and regular cable TV, the modifications I made in the bathroom, my new winter pine scented Yankee candle… I am feeling pretty good about my house. My room is good too, because I bought two new black bureaus to replace the assortment of plastic storage bins. They will meet and greet my Ikea shelves, egg-shaped office table, rolling chair… the next step is obviously a new Ikea bed. I digress:
It was raining hard yesterday and I rode for an hour in the jump seat of a pickup truck drinking an ultra nasty white chocolate chai from Dunkin’ Donuts praying that I wouldn’t lose my life on the ultra slippery highway. But as I was saying, it all went well. I had two fifty cent Ikea hot dogs with chips, diet cola, and then an ice cream and did some rainy day shopping. When I got home I showered (seemed redundant) and then got a call from Kiki asking for a ride to work. I picked him up and drove him through Cambridge in the pouring rain.
As we hit Prospect St. I was weaving in and out of the left lane talking about how perfect timing plus skillful use of the horn could shave off a couple minutes on our transit time. Kiki’s eyes widened, and he shouted, “Look out for that puddle!” I didn’t see anything, so I didn’t slow down. There was a woman on the side of the street, and out of nowhere she got sprayed as if by a fire hose to the face. Her hair and outfit and briefcase were drenched; I super-soaked her. The thing of it was, the puddle must have been the size of a basketball. Thats what I call a rogue puddle. Kiki said that if it was him that got super-soaked he would have run after the car and stabbed through the windshield with his umbrella.
Certainly, at the next intersection I was pretty nervous about a rogue umbrella spearing through the glass. I crept away from the scene of the crime sure only of my reasonable excuse: it was a rogue puddle, lady. Size of a basketball… curb your enthusiasm.
Oh man, I’ve seen that happen to people and done it on purpose, but the best is on Prospect going towards Inman from Central near Carberry’s Bakery where there’s 2 lanes and nowhere to hide on the sidewalk or no way to avoid the puddles, I’ve splashed some Muslims on their way to the mosque on a rainy Friday a couple months ago… sorry Allah!
I dare say that the 3rdarm is getting funnier by the hour! And what stamina – IKEA trips drain the energy of the soul out and down into the deep belly of a Swedish drunkard in the depths of dark winter where it will be regurgitated into the next pop sensation somewhere in the depths of America. But now I am the one to digress.
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