Anytime I am successful at crapping between the free food I get to order as a host Saturday night and my 9AM arrival as Floor Captain of the brunch the next morning, it makes my day. Physically, I feel lighter, a new found spring in my step, with the one crap under my belt. Well, this past Sunday, after switching up my fiber cereal from clusters to flakes, I crapped twice! It was soul-satisfying, period.
Not only did I get two craps under my belt, but I also got about six hours of sleep. This is noteworthy, because my role as Saturday night hostess with the mostess (saying hello and goodbye to three and a half hundred people) winds me up to the point where 4AM is my earliest bedtime… Yes it was a hectic Saturday, and I crashed and burned at my table timing for a traumatizing two hour stretch, but for some reason I was able to fall asleep at 1AM.
Perhaps the truth is that the week I had just spent one on one with my grandma paid this dividend. I adapted to her schedule, which meant that for the five consecutive days previous to Saturday I was out of bed before 8AM. The thinking goes that this fundamentally altered my sleep schedule in such a way that six hours of sleep was suddenly possible between Saturday and Sunday. Thanking my grandma for a restful Sunday will be a priority the next time we talk.
Let us not discount the crapping in all of this. For my special hostess meal Saturday night I ordered what I always order… “brisket surprise.” The brisket part refers to a kind of smoked meat we serve, and the surprise is just that. Ordering as such means that the cooks in the kitchen craft whatever it is they feel like with said smoked brisket. This week they made me three baked brisket enchiladas with jack cheese and banana guava ketchup. A trilogy of plump, heavy gut bombs that cleared up my intestinal cloggage like guards of security expediting the exit of fans from the tunnels of Fenway.
At the pharmacy the other day I bought a box of Fiber 1 cereal that looked to me like it was composed of a mix of clusters and flakes. I am a clusters guy myself, but that doesn’t mean I am exclusive. Well, it turned out that this cereal was much more flaky than not, with only a couple clusters here and there to speak of. No worries, I ate two bowls of the delicious laxative after midnight Saturday without turning into a gremlin. In fact, those bowls helped me expel a brown gremlin from my innards the following morn.
I noticed that my average gratuity was a great deal higher thanks to my inner-peace… Every brunch I try to think up a couple great one-liners and deliver them to customers at choice moments in the service. This Sunday I reminded folks to enjoy the last full day of summer, and that Monday, September 22 was the vernal equinox, therefore the beginning of a new season, autumn. Yes, dear readers, what goes around comes around. Sometimes, a physical reminder of that truth can be truly liberating.
[…] art.mullen wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptEvery brunch I try to think up a couple great bone/b-bliners/b and deliver them to customers at choice moments in the service. This Sunday I reminded folks to enjoy the last full day of summer, and that Monday, September 22 was the vernal b…/b […]
If you think that FiberOne cereal is a dream, try the FiberOne yogurt or FiberOne chewy granola bars. Or Quaker Oatmeal High Fiber. In recent weeks I have found coupons for many high fiber products, so Kyle & I have been dabbling in these bowel moving delights. And it must be said, it does put an extra spring in your step when you feel as if you lose 5 pounds every time you go to the bathroom.
Hey Craptastic, I am swinging in low, I want the Trader Joes’ cereals stooooocked! Meow!
There’s an incoming happening soon. Better get ready. Sleeptastic!