Reverse Cosmosis

elusive Dan Horne 3rdarm

Over the weekend, I brought home some bolillos from work- it is Mexican bread, baguettes. My coworker/friend Adriana insisted I take them. A few days later, after my 3 days off- 3 days in my apartment leaving only for food and films, I returned to work. I thanked her for the insistence because the bolillos contributed much needed calories to my stay-at-home subsistence. She asked how I prepared them. I said I ate them raw with black coffee. No, no, she said, I should have used the toaster and spread butter or jelly on them. That was too much for me. I told her that I am barely able to care for myself in the absence of my girlfriend. It is sad- I’m debbed out. Black coffee and bolillos, man. I continued on to Adriana that all men are this way, basically babies in grown bodies. And all men are assholes, myself included for sure.

At work I was on the to-go register. We take the customer’s first name for the order. My first customer was named Debra. The second was Debbie. The gas company was supposed to call on their way to the new apartment- to read the meter. I kept my phone in my pocket, on vibrate. It never vibrated. Two hours outside their four hour window, I had a missed call. My blood pressure spiked. For sure I thought those gas fuckers were fucking me over. I was red hot in an instant. Excusing myself from the dining room, I listened to the voicemail in the back. It wasn’t the gas company. The message was from another Debbie, a manager at AT&T, saying the new apartment qualified for internet twice as fast and less expensive than what I pay now. I was the biggest Deb of the bunch.

The bike ride home in light rain was weirdly warm- I did not feel wet. The temperature was in the forties, and I like the forties. I listened to the On Point podcast– Tom Ashbrook was talking about Rick Santorum. Foster Friess, the super PAC financing multimillionaire from Wyoming, was saying awful things. He sounded like a super villain. Rick Santorum is not expected to do well with independents or women, but he does fly high the flag of conservatism/Catholism/being an asshole. I listened to the Beachwood Sparks- who are coming out with a new album before the summer. Last time they released an album I was living in Chicago as well- it was 2002. I tracked my blood pressure pills- they made it from Delhi to NYC in less than two days.

2 thoughts on “Reverse Cosmosis”

  1. I personally know a couple dudes who aren’t assholes, but I’m not naming any names 😉 PS – no pills: apple cider vinegar, cayenne pepper, garlic!

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